Fancy Party SERIES FINALE

Part 3 of the Fancy Party series is here! This is dealing with tell people what to bring, because they'll ask,  and some fun outfit ideas for making yourself look pretty. Because it's IMPORTANT.

WHAT CAN I BRING?

People will ask this, and I want you to be prepared. If you don't tell them, they'll bring something anyway, and it might be something you already have.

Booze! People love booze, and if they bring it, you know at least one person will be drinking it.

Chips! Yup, just ask them to bring a bag or two or tortilla chips. You can put them out away from the buffet with salsa and guacamole for people to munch on.

Napkins! If you can already tell you're running low on napkins, ask them to bring a stack. Same holds true for cups, plates, and flatware.

Serveware! Hey, if you're desperate, ask if they have a big bowl/chip and dip set/platter/wooden cutting board you can borrow for the evening.

Ice! You know, just in case you run out.

Labor! If you can already tell you're going to need some serious help, ask to talk to someone's teenager. Say for $10 an hour you need them to stay in the kitchen and heat things up as needed, as well as grabbing abandoned plates/glasses and restocking the buffet. If you ask nicely, most will even do some dishes and take out the trash. Just be sure you pay them in cash at the end of the night, thank them, and let them eat. Ask their parents if it's okay first. If the parents are all "oh it isn't necessary to pay them", explain to the kid when they get there that you're paying them so that they'll do the job, and if they get drunk you're going to tell on them.

Vases! In case you accidentally bought more flowers than you can handle.

Folding tables/chairs! We had a $15 folding table from Target that saw many parties, and you can easily use one as your bar (cover it with a tablecloth first). Folding chairs are for when lots of people need to sit down and you're out of furniture.

Games! Yup, save yourself some cash and have them bring Apples to Apples or any other board game they think would be fun. Also, you know that at least one person will want to play it.

Pizza! This is if everything goes to hell in a handbasket and you have no food to serve because everything is ruined. It's a desperate Plan B, but it's always good to have one. Just in case.

If they brought something you didn't even kind of ask for! Alright, so lets say someone brings a huge mass of flowers, but you already have all the flowers done, and you're panicking. My personal plan is always to find someone really type A and let them handle it. Or, if your type A friend isn't there yet, shove them into multiple glasses and just start shoving them everywhere. Cover the tv, in your bookshelves, and the windowsills. If they brought a dish or dessert that's already being served, take yours off the buffet and put it in the fridge. Say something like "score! Now I can save my Mac and cheese/brownies for tomorrow when I definitely won't feel like cooking!" If they haven't seen yours yet, lie and say you didn't make any, or that you burnt it. Make sure you compliment their dish, too. If they bring wine, pop it open and serve it. Honestly, a bottle only makes 4 generous glasses, so even if it isn't great, it won't last long. Champagne, save for another day. It's weird if only 4 people have champagne and others see it but you don't have more. 

YOURSELF

Yup, you need some prep as well. In the morning, iron/steam/make presentable whatever you plan on wearing that night. Hang it up somewhere with the least amount of chaos, along with your shoes and accessories. I tend to do my makeup when I'm about 3 hours away from people arriving, that way since it takes me an hour and a half to get ready, I know I won't be caught in my bathrobe when the early helpers arrive.

Don't put on your shoes until you hear the doorbell. You'll be thankful around hour 4 of standing up. It doesn't matter that it's your house YOU CANNOT WEAR SLIPPERS.

I'm going to group animals in this as well. If your animals are highly sociable and friendly, you can leave them out, but make sure they've had a huge amount of exercise that afternoon. People will love your dog, but they won't be impressed when it jumps on them upon entering or knocks their plate out of their hands. Personally, I tend to hide away the animals. Lock them in a bedroom with food, water, and a litter box (if it's a cat), then turn on the TV to Animal Planet if you're worried they'll get bored. If your dog hates being locked away in a back room but hates people, ask a neighbor you've invited if the dog can stay at their house for the party, especially if they also have a dog your dog likes.

For a casual, summertime dinner party, this outfit would be adorable

This is more for a fancy cocktail dinner party, save this for a special occasion, like a holiday party. And yes flats because you won't be sitting down for long during this party.

Classic casual, good for various degrees of formality.

Remember, it's your party, and you can do whatever you want. Share any tips and tricks you have for party planning in the comments.

Now go be festive!

Fancy Party PART DEUX

This is Part 2 of the Fancy Party series and it's devoted 100% to food. For this scenario, I'm doing a buffet, because for a party buffet is easiest. Mostly because unless you have a table that seats 24, it'll become far too complicated to do a seated dinner.

Also, this is where I tell you that a good hostess asks questions. Ask if anyone has any food allergies or dietary restrictions (vegan, vegetarian, kosher) and then make sure they have a few choices. Your whole party doesn't need to be gluten free, but make sure you have 3 things that they can eat. Some food allergies will affect your entire prep, such as a shellfish allergy, in that you need to make sure it doesn't touch anything that's touched what they're allergic to, but honestly, it's mostly the stress of it that's difficult. If they're kosher, ask them everything about what you can do to make them feel comfortable, but they'll probably want to bring their own food since the whole meat and dairy touching thing can get really strict (kosher kitchens are a real thing and they're intense).


FOODS

This is where people make the mistake of thinking everything should be fresh, homemade, hot, and fancy. That's also how you end up sweating in the kitchen wrestling with making hollandaise or boiling fresh ravioli while everyone else is having fun.

Repeat after me: It's okay to take massive shortcuts.

You're under no obligation to bake fresh bread for garlic bread, form your own meatballs, buy mini-muffin tins for tiny quiches, or make your own pita chips. However, it's good to pair your store-bought with homemade. If you want garlic bread, buy a loaf from the store and make the garlic butter yourself. Buy the meatballs but make a killer sauce yourself. Put shredded cheese or bacon on top of the quiches and try making the hummus for the pita chips yourself.

The key to not killing yourself over this party is pre-prep. Like, I'm talking DAYS beforehand. I'll show you a fake menu, and tell you when to prep everything.

Grilled veggie platter

Orzo pasta salad

Caesar salad

Mac and Cheese

Meatballs

Pita chips and hummus

Mini-quiches

Bread sticks

Prosciutto wrapped melon

Cheese and crackers

Various desserts

Grilled veggie platter: Buy a medley of zucchini, asparagus, peppers, portobello mushrooms, brussels sprouts, and eggplant. Olive oil, salt and pepper is all these things really need, then grill. Do this the day before, arrange them on their platter, and warm up before serving. These are all good hot, warm, and room temperature, so feel free to keep the whole tray out throughout the party. Provide some dipping sauces, something with lemon and dill would be nice. Grab the sauces at a specialty food store.

You know you'd eat this.

Orzo pasta salad: Orzo, olives (variety), caramelized onion, roasted garlic, and very finely cut and sauteed kale, chopped fresh tomato, then tossed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, maybe some red pepper flakes, along with lots of black pepper, can be made two days before and served cold.

Essentially, this.

Caesar salad: Cut up the romaine the day before, make the croutons the day of, and do the dressing in the blender right before people start arriving. Dress the salad when you see the first car in the driveway. Provide the croutons and a bowl of parmesan on the side so that people can do it up themselves. Also, it stops the croutons from getting soggy.

This would be SO GOOD, RIGHT?!

Mac and cheese: I like Alton Brown's recipe (he's on Food Network and I love him). Do everything but adding the panko, allow to cool, then freeze it. You can do this even a couple weeks beforehand with no ill effect. Place the frozen dish in the fridge the night before the party, then 20 or so minutes before people come, add the panko and bake.

Nomnomnom

Meatballs: Buy a bag of your favorite brand of meatball at Sam's Club or Costco, bake them when the first person arrives, and serve with a delicious homemade marinara (that you can also make the day before and reheat before serving).

Basically it's a meat that no one has to attempt to cut while standing.

Pita chips and Hummus: Buy your favorite brand of pita chip, and blend up the hummus the afternoon of the party. Refrigerate it until it's time, then garnish and serve.

Mucho food porn on this post, eh?

Mini-quiches: Buy them. Heat them up along with the mac and cheese, top them with cheese, a dollop of sour cream and some chives, then serve.

Mmmmmm

Bread sticks: Make whatever your favorite breadsticks are (I hear there's a fantastic copycat of the Olive Garden ones in various places online) the week before the party. Bake them until they're almost done, freeze, and top with melted butter before finishing up baking them when the first person arrives.

Bonus points for wrapping in a white linen napkin

Prosciutto wrapped melon: This can be done the day before, and since it's served cold, it's easy.

Everything is better on a stick

Cheese and crackers: Buy a variety of crackers, and grab a variety of cheeses. I like to do goat cheese, brie, cheddar, gouda, and a cheese spread made with something stinky, like gorgonzola. Extras on the tray include grapes, slices of apple and pear, and maybe slices of a hard salami. Set this up in the afternoon, but don't slice the apples and pears til you're ready to serve so that they don't turn brown.

This person even wrapped something in grape leaves.
Pretty hardcore.

Various desserts: I would do a blueberry-lemon pound cake with a lemon glaze, pre sliced and presented on a platter, and it's something you could easily buy. Then maybe do some cookies, everyone likes chocolate chip, but I really love gingerbread after a meal, which can be made the day before without ill effect. Pies are delicious, but since I prefer most a la mode, it's not ideal for a buffet setting. If we were in France you could easily buy delicious glass pots filled with creme brulee, then torch them up quickly once people were ready for desserts. Chocolate covered strawberries, Oreos, and pretzels can be done a couple days before and will be gone almost instantly.

Clearly this is for a wedding. But you get the main idea.

For setting it all up, go to Martha's link here. It's technically for Thanksgiving, but the logic is there.

This Channing Buffet by Jonathan Adler would be perfect for serving food on. When you're not having a party (which is most of the time) it's amazingly gorgeous dining room storage. For all the serveware you just used.

Am I the only one who thinks that this dual-desk from Crate and Barrel would make for super-cool multi level buffet realness? Like food on the double desks, plates, napkins and silverware on the middle section, then flowers and/or finger foods on the rest of the shelves? Plus, it's still desks, just move it back into your home office after the party.

Or just use your kitchen table. Whatever. KILL MY DREAMS.

Use chalkboard paper to label your dishes, or to pair wines with various snacks. Gorgeous. 

Use risers to make your buffet look extra fancy.

Look at all the work my mom did for my high school grad party! AND THAT WASN'T EVEN ALL THE FOOD.

Part 3 is up next! Tell me all your favorite party recipes, hopes and dreams, and things you like.

Throwing a Fancy Party PART ONE

As a Real Adult, I'm constantly throwing very fancy shin-digs where I use fine china and crystal and highly polished silver. Fresh flowers abound, candles are lit, my dress is freshly pressed, and all of the food is hot and presented with only mere moments spent in the kitchen.

Okay, that's a HUGE lie. But I'd like you all to know that sometimes it's good to be fancy and impress people and I'm going to tell you how to do it.

This is merely Part 1 of 3. Setting the mood, drinks, and entertainment.

SETTING THE MOOD

First clean. Like Breaking Bad meth lab clean. Do this 3 days before the party. The day of, sweep all your floors, clean up the front porch, put some potpourri and a fresh hand towel in the bathroom, do a quick dusting of everything, set up your buffet table (minus the food), place your little bar station, Febreeze your furniture, and arrange any extra chairs you've pulled out. Make yourself a playlist and have the sound system ready.

If you're going to do flowers, send out a helper to get them in the morning, or when someone asks what they can bring say "whatever flowers look best for the cheapest". Personally, I like the look of carnations with no filler, baby's breath packed up really dense, or long branches of pussywillow (lol) or forsythia. Other easy decor includes pretty bowls filled with nuts and other snacks, tea lights/candles/lanterns, containers filled with fruit, or depending on how festive you feel, crepe paper and balloons (THEY'RE CLASSICS). As always, a consult with Martha Stewart will do you a world of good. 

Those paper flowers would look gorgeous hung up over the bar or buffet. If you keep the colors neutral, you can bust these babies out for multiple occasions, or hang them up over your dining table and keep them there because you're cool like that.

This would take about 3 seconds to put together, and you can grab pretty plates at the thrift store. Fill with coffee beans instead of the kidney beans though. It's prettier and everyone loves coffee.

Imagine those bowls of flowers scattered randomly throughout your party space. Stunning, easy, and uses fewer flowers than large arrangements.

Right before people start arriving, set out food, drinks, and light those candles, and change your clothes. Obviously, you've been prepping the entire day in sweatpants and no one needs to see that.


DRINKS

You're having a party, and as host, you really want to make sure everyone has food and drink. Setting out food means people will help themselves to food, but you don't want to spend all night pouring and refilling drinks.

Easiest solution: Set up a bar. You can set this up in the main party space, the kitchen, or across from the buffet.

You'll need:

Beer (put some bottles on ice, and put a bottle opener next to it)

Wine (a white and a red and open fresh ones as needed)

Rum

Tequila

Vodka

Gin

Whiskey

Soda (coke, diet coke, tonic, seltzer, ginger ale and some Red Bull)

Juice (orange, pineapple, cranberry, lemon, and lime)

Water

Grenadine

Simple syrup

Garnishes (lemon and lime wedges, olives, cherries, swizzle sticks, straws)

Ice bucket (one or two, depending on the size. Also you can get these for like $5 at a thrift store)

List of cocktail recipes

Cups

Wine glasses

Now I can see this is really elaborate, but depending on the size of the party and how fancy you want to be, this will IMPRESS. No one is disappointed by a well-stocked liquor cabinet. Also, for those who don't drink, they'll be free to make themselves a mock-tail and not have to suffer through "Oh you're just having water?! Why? Oh I'll just go make you a martini" and then have to explain to a complete stranger that they're on meds/preggo/breastfeeding/in AA. They'll just have a seltzer with lime and no one will ask them questions.

This bar cart from Crate and Barrel is to die for. Register for it like now. Put the booze on top and the glasses on the bottom and you're good to go. Or troll your local antique stores for one.

A similar bar cart in action

If you don't want to do the whole set up, do beer, wine, and a special cocktail or punch and serve it in a pitcher, bowl, or fancy dispenser of your choosing.


ENTERTAINMENT

This depends on the kind of party you want to have. Since Hubs is still in training, most of the parties we go to are just college parties, and the entertainment tends to involve beer pong. 

If sport-drinking isn't exactly what you had in mind for your party, let that shine through with your playlist. Less Carly Rae Jepson, more Frank Sinatra. Make a playlist on Spotify or Pandora and let the music take care of itself. You don't want to spend half your evening freaking out with your iPod.

Activities for smaller crowds include Apples to Apples (a card game... google it) or it's much less politically correct step-sibling, Cards Against Humanity. You could get physical and do charades or pictionary (both of which I happen to love). Quelf is a fun, yet super random game that's like the partying cousin of Trivial Pursuit. You could also get a video game version of Jeopardy and impress everyone with the fact that you can name all the Canadian provinces. Honestly, I consider any and all games to be investments. Buy them. If you have a party of all couples, play The Newlywed Game! It's actually super fun and you can find rules and questions online.

You need this.

Go old school and try Twister, Truth Or Dare, Hide and Go Seek, or Simon Says. These are all especially entertaining after a few strong cocktails. 

I've never been to a party with dancing. No matter how badly the host wanted people to dance, it just doesn't happen. I've been to weddings with dancing, but somehow the whole act doesn't translate in the home setting.

Green Smoothie FEATURING A VIDEO OMG

Crappy editing, but the smoothie was delicious!! WATCH MY SKEPTICISM TURN INTO BEGRUDING ADMIRATION.

Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is fast approaching, and it's time to make a few things VERY clear.

1. You're buying a gift for your mother, not a gift you think she should have
2. If someone owns lots of something, it means they like them, not that they have enough
3. Use your damn brain

These rules seem really simple, but still people panic and end up buying a random gift set. My own mom said that her co-workers son wouldn't buy her the purse she wanted because she "has too many." 

Well then, don't buy yourself the purse.

And using the example of purses, take note as to what purse you see all the time. If she's constantly carrying around a massive tote, don't buy her a clutch. She's not going to use it. Ever. If she doesn't wear jewelry, don't get her a necklace. If she doesn't drink coffee, she'll have no use for the fancy cappuccino machine you think will "make her love coffee" because they're a pain in the butt to use and SHE DOESN'T WANT IT. Maybe your mom has been wearing the same cotton robe for 15 years, and you know she needs a new one. Get her a nice new cotton robe, not a satin one because you think it's more "luxurious". 

You're being a dick to your own mother when you do these things. It's not OK.

I'm going to describe to you a few different people, then give you a list of gifts they would like based on their likes and dislikes.

MOM 1

She's always busy, she's always on the go, has 1,000 Starbucks coffee cups littering her car, and enjoys spending her down time doing yoga and going to the beach with a massive canvas tote full of trashy romance novels. Lately she's been making noise about doing a juice cleanse, but knows that making the juice herself would be a pain.

Gifts:
1. Starbucks gift card, because if she likes to get her coffee there, she's not going to stop just because you think it's stupid. She won't use the espresso machine.

This one even has butterflies.

2. A new yoga mat, or a Lululemon gift card. Make sure you peek at her current mat so you can get her the same size/style. And lululemon is notorious for amazing yoga wear.

Worst case scenario, she buys a pretty t-shirt.

3. A brand new canvas tote, with a luxurious beach towel and an Amazon gift card (so she can pick her own bodice-rippers)

Even I want this tote from Kate Spade.

4. A gift card to a juice cleanse delivery service, like blueprintcleanse.com. She'll be able to choose whatever cleanse she wants, while never juicing a single apple or celery stalk. Remember, she needs to really want this. Otherwise she'll think you think she's fat. 

I mean, I'd prefer to not juice cleanse, but I also like food, soooooo yeah.

MOM 2

She's a soccer mom, always with a camping chair in the back of her minivan so that she can be comfortable on the sidelines. A bit of a fashion maven, she's constantly rocking a stack of bangles or a statement necklace, and her jewelry box is always bursting at the seams with new purchases. Recently, your dad mentioned she hasn't shut up about the spa day she went on with her girlfriends, and her new obsession with audiobooks.

Gifts:

1. A brand new camping chair, with some lumbar support, because no one says "ugh don't you hate being comfortable?".

This one is from REI and even has a little pocket under her legs for sunscreen.

2. More jewelry. Yeah, she has a crapload of it, BUT SHE LIKES IT. That's why she's buying it. I promise you, it's not to piss you off.

This is from the Etsy seller bubblejewellery and is adorable

3. Find out from your dad which spa she went to, and sign her up for a massage or facial there. Obviously she liked it. Use this information to your advantage. 

Just look at how happy this woman is!

4. Get her a subscription to audible.com. She likes audio books. Don't call her an old lady, let her know you love her despite her weird quirks.

This came up when I googled audiobooks and it makes me really really happy

MOM 3

She's loved the Zumba class she went to, but recently quit the gym because she lacked the motivation to get there. Every time you go to her house there's a weird new beer in the fridge, and her house always has a scented candle lit. Also, you've noticed that she's been keeping her makeup in a ziplock bag, which is kinda horrific considering she carries it around in her purse. People see. And they're judging.

Gifts:

1. Zumba workout DVD set. She liked the workout, and now she can do it in the privacy of her own home.

Apparently there's a Zumba "Gold" version for sale at Zumba.com that's for Baby Boomers aka old folks. It's okay to be old. Pinky swear.

2. Beer of the month club. Just google one and pick it. That way mom gets a fun new beer every month, and if she likes it, you can do that literally every single year. See? Now you're both happy.

Or make a super festive gift basket with beer and snacks, like this one from gourmetgiftbaskets.com 

3. Gift card to Yankee Candle. Let her pick her own stuff and feel totally guilt free.

This one doesn't come with butterflies on it. How sad.

4. Buy her a brand new makeup bag. Just make sure that it'll fit all her stuff, including her brushes. 

I got my mom this large cosmetic bag from Vera Bradley for Christmas one year and she's never used a plastic bag since.

Remember, every mom is different. If you're really stumped, JUST ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTS. Seriously, it's okay to ask. If she still gives you a crappy answer, get her some flowers, a card, and a framed photo of the two of you. 

Or show her just how clueless you are and get her some savings bonds with a note that says "next time, just send me a link to whatever you want under $100." She'll get the hint.

Later kids, and Happy Mothers Day!

Throwback picture of my mom and my little baby self.

I know this is my mom and my sister, but do you see the apron my mom is wearing? I BOUGHT HER THAT. I WASN'T EVEN THERE AND SHE WAS WEARING IT.
That's success.

UPDATE: My mom's co-worker who inspired this post showed her son my blog, and she got a brand new Coach bag for Mother's Day!!

Cue crazy powertrip.

Homemade Tiramisu: Worth the Work?

Answer: Depends on which things you decide to make yourself.

For those who don't know, tiramisu is a dessert that's kinda like a parfait/trifle combo. It's ladyfingers (cookies that taste kinda like stale cake) that you soak in coffee and rum, layered with a custard/mascarpone (think cream cheese) cheese mixture and whipped cream. It also happens to be Hubs' favorite dessert. Side note: Unless you want drunk, hyper kids in your house, it's definitely for ages 13+, depending on how boozy you make it.

I decided to be SUPER impressive and make everything myself. Everything. The ladyfingers, the custard, the mascarpone cheese, the whipped cream, ALL OF IT.

It was a crapload of work and it would've tasted essentially the same had I bought a few things instead of making it from scratch. I'm also going to provide you with a recipe I haven't yet tested for a faux-tiramisu that'd be really really easy. Don't tell an actual Italian that it's tiramisu or you'll be murdered, but I'm sure it'd be a crowd pleaser.

BUY
-ladyfingers
-mascarpone cheese

LADYFINGERS: The ladyfingers were a pain the the butt. It's one of those baked good where you have to whip the egg whites and then fold in everything, which is hard enough because you can't make the entire recipe in the stand mixer (which is the easiest thing to use for egg whites), but then I had to pipe them into their finger shapes. Wrestling it into the ziplock bag is always a chore, and squeezing it all out kinda wrecks it. Why? You get rid of all the air bubbles when you squeeze it, leaving you with puddles. I made chocolate ladyfingers, and while they were good in the dessert, I had extra ones that I didn't even eat, since they kinda suck plain. Overall, not quite worth washing 3 mixing bowls and the hand mixer.

FOR THE FAUX: Bake a pound cake (homemade or box mix, I doubt it matters much), make it in a 9"x12" pan, then cut up half the cake into 1" strips, cut those into little rectangles, and toast them. Then you have delicious little cookies, plus half a cake you can frost and eat that will still be delicious (or use a lemon glaze). You could even get fancy and try using different kinds of cake, just make sure they're dense so that they don't just disintegrate when you soak them. Don't use fruitcake. That's mean.

MASCARPONE: Part of the problem with making mascarpone cheese is you have to use tartaric acid, which I bought from a cheesemaking website. It was a 4 oz container and it was pretty darn cheap, but the whole batch only needed an eighth of a teaspoon, so now I have a ton of this stuff and it only makes this cheese. Still, mascarpone is super expensive, and even with the cost of cream, the entire 4 oz container of tartaric acid, and the cost of heating the stove, I still came out with savings. However, heating something up on a double boiler takes approximately way too long. Straining it was annoying, and using cheesecloth is always difficult since it's so hard to clean. 

FOR THE FAUX: Honestly, I'd use neufchatel. It's like a more sour version of cream cheese, and I think it would make a lovely cheaper alternative. If you don't see a label with just neufchatel, check the label on the reduced fat cream cheese, since that's sometimes what it's sold as. Fun fact: the creators of cream cheese were actually attempting to figure out the recipe for neufchatel, but ended up making it's fattier, creamier cousin.

MAKE
-whipped cream
-custard
-coffee/rum soaking slurry 

WHIPPED CREAM: Whipped cream is super easy to make, especially if you have a stand mixer. Just pour in the cream (make sure it's super cold), add a little sugar and a kiss of vanilla and let it do its magic. For this recipe, I used a packet of unflavored gelatin since I knew it'd be sitting in the fridge for a few days and didn't want it to deflate. 

FOR THE FAUX: There's no alternative here. I swear it's easy. The hardest part is cleaning the whisk attachment, and even that only takes like 30 seconds. Also, by making it yourself you could make the whole dessert extra-boozy by adding in some Bailey's.

CUSTARD: The custard isn't easy. It's a lot of egg beating and cooking it is stressful because you don't want to accidentally end up with scrambled eggs. However, it's also delicious. Make it yourself at least once and see if you feel it's worth the effort. I think it is.

FOR THE FAUX: Just use vanilla pudding. For the mix, just use less milk to make it thicker, and dress it up a little by scraping a vanilla bean into the milk and heat it up in the microwave for a couple minutes before adding it to your powder. Also, using half-and-half instead of milk would probably make it DELICIOUS, but could easily have a slippery slope effect and the next thing you know your skinny jeans don't fit anymore.

COFFEE/RUM SLURRY: This is actually the easiest part. Just get some instant espresso powder, make it according to the directions, then add some rum. I also added some coffee liqueur. Also, since caffeine in the evening tends to be a poor life choice, I used instant decaf coffee and just made it super duper strong.

FOR THE FAUX: Seriously guys, it's coffee crystals and booze. Suck it up.

Gratuitous food pictures? Oh okay, but only since you asked.

SUCH PRETTY LAYERS

Technically, you're supposed to do two layers in a casserole dish, but all of mine were filled with lasagne and enchiladas in my freezer, so I used my chip bowl.
Oh and top off the whole thing with cocoa powder.

It's supposed to be a heart, but looks more like a power button.
Also, note the sad ladyfinger puddle cookies.

Overall, it was a one day project that I'll most likely make every year for Hubs' birthday. The difficult version, not the faux.

Someone should really make the faux version of this and tell me if I should add it to any future cookbooks I may or may not write.

But you can't publish it because it's now my intellectual property since it's on my blog.

So there.


Love you guys!