Cleaning Your House- The Infinite Cycle of Suck

I'm unashamed to say that every single time I clean my house, it's because we're having company over or my dirty laundry has overflowed from my room into public areas. My kitchen, however, gets a scrub down at least 3 times a week and my dishwasher is run about 5 times a week. Messes that create bugs I refuse to tolerate.

However, it needs to be done. Yup, it doesn't matter that you just swept these floors 3 FREAKING DAYS AGO, because your white socks turn gray-brown by days end with brand new grime. That you have to sweep up. AGAIN. Your empty dirty laundry basket remains a hollow victory, as by days end you still put at least a pair of undies and some socks in there, and you know it's only a matter of time until you'll be sorting them into loads yet again.

The right tools can make these loathsome tasks ever-so-slightly less infuriating, so I'm going to share what you need to buy to clean your whole house (because even though the entire thing was spotless LAST WEEK, it's a hot mess once again).

BROOM

In a perfect world, I'd have one for inside, and one for my porch. Hubs insists that I cut his hair with clippers, and this bi-weekly chore happens on the screened in porch to prevent hair getting all over my house. Afterwards, he goes inside, grabs the broom, and sweeps up. Later, when I use that broom, I notice all these teenytiny hairs embedded in it that dislodge while I'm sweeping the living room, and it bugs the hell out of me. But I don't have two brooms, and sweeping is the only way to get the big stuff up off the floor before I use the Swiffer with a dry cloth, so that I can mop. Floors are evil. You're also going to need a dust pan that you'll grow to hate. 

SWIFFER BROOM/MOP STICK

So for a while I convinced myself I could totally get by with just a mop and broom. Well, I was dead wrong. Horrifically, mind-blowingly wrong. When I finally caved and bit the $15 bullet for the starter kit and 30 extra dry cloths, I instantly felt better. I got home, swept up with my broom (because if you don't sweep before you use this, you'll be pushing around a big pile of mess and making life way harder for yourself) and then put the Swiffer to work. The amount of dust, dirt, and cat hair I collected made me shudder. No WONDER my socks got gross so fast! Most of the floors in my house are wood, so I don't use the wet cloths on them. However, I love them for the tile in my kitchen, side hallway, and bathrooms. I'm not sure if they have special ones for wood floors, but I use an off-brand Bissell Freedom Mop with wood floor cleaner in it on the rare occasion I make the effort.

VACUUM

I have only wood floors and tiles. I still need a vacuum. Why? Because I own a couch and other upholstered items, all of which get covered in cat hair, debris, and sand. (I live half a mile from the freaking beach and yet I still find sand EVERYWHERE. I DON'T EVEN GO TO THE BEACH. WHERE IS THIS SAND COMING FROM.) Also, there was an occasion when I thought I found a flea on Puma. I didn't care that she was up to date on her flea meds, I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, vacuuming all the furniture, bleaching all the sheets and towels not in the closet, and even vacuuming our mattress and pillows. It's what I use to get stray cat litter that collects around the box, because sweeping it up is a pain in the butt. 
Vacuuming is also the only sane way to clean underneath your appliances and your refrigerator coils. Carpet, obviously needs to be vacuumed, as do your rugs. Always own a vacuum.

SWIFFER DUSTER

This is really looking like an ad for Swiffer, but honestly, they're like flying first class, only it only costs $20. I'm super allergic to dust, so I like to use methods that don't let the dust touch my hands (resulting in a really weird rash) and don't let the dust go into the air (making me sneeze until my next shower). The 360 duster lets me get to the tops of the ceiling fan without getting my face in it, and it doesn't make a mushroom cloud of dust. It's also the easiest way to dust blinds, electronics, sconces, and bookcases. 

TOILET BRUSH

Don't you dare buy those little single use, flush-able ones. My Swiffer is one of my very few frivolous  disposable cleaning supplies. Put on your rubber gloves that are used only to clean the bathroom, and scrub your toilet. Bleach it in a bucket afterward if you must, but honestly, your toilet bowl isn't THAT gross. Your, plunger, however, is gross and needs to be bleached after every use. Because that touches poop. Your toilet brush should NEVER BE TOUCHING THAT. If it is, you're doing it wrong.

SPONGES

So many sponges. I have one for cleaning the outsides of toilets, one for the shower/bath, one for the sink, and one for the kitchen. I sanitize them in the dishwasher regularly, and they last a really long time. Once they look super dingy or smell after they come out of the dishwasher, toss them. Or use them to clean the litterbox. Your call.

PAPER TOWELS

I use these for mirrors and windows only. Almost everything else can be done with a sponge. Just keep a roll next to the Windex. Speaking of Windex....

A BUCKET

Fill it up with bleach and water to clean your plunger, or really to soak anything else without filling up your entire bathtub. When it's not in use, you can use it to store your other cleaning supplies. It's always good to have a bucket.

ACTUAL BOTTLES OF THINGS YOU SHOULD BUY

I find that I can do almost everything with Windex, Soft Scrub, Comet, Lysol, Murphy's Oil Soap, baking soda, white vinegar, and bleach. Windex is for the mirrors and windows, Soft scrub for bath/shower, Comet in the toilet bowl, Lysol for the kitchen and bathroom counters, Murphy's Oil Soap for anything wood, baking soda and vinegar for cleaning the disposal, and bleach for yucky things. REMEMBER TO NEVER MIX AMMONIA AND BLEACH. EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. IT'S SUPER TOXIC AND BAD NEWS BEARS.

THINGS I'LL PROBABLY CLEAN.... SOMEDAY

I have yet to clean certain things in my house. The insides of my cabinets, for example. I've never taken things out, vacuumed and dusted, and put things back. Am I supposed to ever clean my laundry baskets? What about the outsides of my washer and dryer? Do those needs to be cleaned? Maybe I should shake out my shoe organizer from time to time. Cleaning the oven always sounds like such a chore, and it always makes the entire house smell. I've heard of people waxing/buffing their floors, but since I know you can only do it on certain kinds of floors or something, why bother. I'm sure if I had a team of cleaning people come in every day, they'd eventually clean all these things for me, but until then, I'm probably going to ignore these things. Also, I'm watching the episode of Sex and the City right now where Miranda gets Magda, and I would totally have a maid if I could have Magda. She brings her little gifts, and eventually becomes a nanny for Brady, and I love her.


Happy cleaning!