Random Things You Need Now That You're an Adult

Okay, let’s say you’re married. You now own a gravy boat, plates, bowls, towels, flatware, and even some pretty champagne glasses. Plus that random serving platter you definitely didn’t register for, but now own anyway. Registries are AWESOME and there will be a whole other blog post about them.

Now let’s say you’re like my sister and moved somewhere and don’t own much. You own a pan, 2 pots, mismatched flatware, and approximately 4 plates. If you know you’re going to register for your nice things later, get yourself to the Goodwill. It won’t match, be new, or even be something you like very much, but you’re going to donate them back later anyhow. There’s no way to make paper plates and red plastic cups “whimsical” or “eclectic”. It’s trashy and you know it.

Actually, more on the Goodwill later, but for now, let’s get on with this, because I’m almost 200 words in and we’re barely into the meat of this post.

Remember, I don’t know you or your life, so don’t be a dick and just take this gold I’m giving you and glean out what you can use. Okay? Awesome. Now I’m just going to give some really big ticket items I needed, and how best to go about buying them. Be gentle with me, I’m new.

A WASHER AND DRYER

When we first moved, we had never laid eyes on even a picture of the place we were going to be living, so we didn’t really know what to expect. Neither one of us anticipated that we would need to buy a washer and dryer, nor did we have any idea how to go about buying one. First thing I did was call my mom hyperventilating. The second thing I did was look up how much they cost. Third, I cried over the hit my credit card was going to take. Finally, I accepted my fate and started comparison shopping. Now, I waited for a Columbus Day sale to start actually entering stores, that way the big price tags had satisfying red slashes and I had reassuring advertisement everywhere telling me I was going to save money. Then I found an older woman, told her what I needed, and bought the Consumer Reports “Best Buy” set. They were a good size, could stack if I needed it to, and were energy efficient. They were also $1,350 at the end of the day. Other people have found some really nice scratch-and-ding models and even a few nice sets on Craigslist. If only you could register for them.

Also, laundry baskets must be something you accumulate over time, because my parents had like 10 of them, and yet when I moved I only had one. Doing multiple loads of laundry and having only one basket is awful, especially when your laundry room is down a large flight of stairs, in a shared basement.

CLEANING SUPPLIES

This includes the following: sponges, mops, brooms, plungers, toilet brushes, buckets, cleaning gloves, and products. Few things are more awkward than a mop handle sticking 2 feet further than the front of the cart. Also, fact is, you’re never going to need Windex, Pledge, Comet, Lysol, Dawn, and bleach all at the same time again, and even though they’re cheap individually, altogether they’re a good chunk of change. But you really really REALLY need them. All of it. Right now.

TRULY RANDOM OBJECTS

The most mind-boggling of these things was the moment I realized I didn’t have a dish drying rack. I hadn’t realized how much I’d taken this simple object for granted until I didn’t have one. Nor did I realize I didn’t own a corkscrew until the wine glasses were already out. For months the only tape we owned was packing tape, and the only reason I now own regular tape is because my mom gave me a 3-pack for Christmas. A stapler, paperclips, extension cords, an air mattress, Tylenol, pads and tampons, and even hangers are now as valuable to you as gold. Pencils and pens tend to get lost in the move, so now when your cable company calls you and wants you to remember something (because you’re an adult so the cable company calls YOU and not your parents) you’re forced to search high and low for something, ANYTHING, to write with. When it finally hits you that your only real option is to write it down in blood, you choose to lie, pretend to write down what they’re saying, then text your husband to pick up pens at the store while he’s there. You’re also going to need a shower curtain and those little hoops that keep it up.

FURNISHINGS

Now, depending on the generosity of family members, your needs for furniture can vary greatly. My sister got lucky and her fiance’s mom gave them a living and dining set, furnishing the two major public spaces. I was less fortunate. For three weeks Phoenix and I had a lawn chair that was in the back of my van in the living room, supplemented by an outdoor side table and lone wooden chair, both of which we purchased at our local Goodwill. Thankfully, my mother is a saint, and after driving her Camry 8 hours, brought us an ottoman. Switching cars, she took my van home, filled it with a chair-and-a-half, a coffee table, and a dining room table. We bought a nice sectional couch (new), some dining room chairs (thrift store), and a TV stand (Craigslist). But even once the big things are in place, it’s still kind of empty. Get yourself to Target and fill up a cart with throw pillows, blankets, clocks, vases, and maybe a wall decal if you’re feeling adventurous. Anything that makes your house feel more home-y.

HOW TO BUY SAFE THRIFT STORE FURNITURE

Ask yourself this question; is this something someone could have sex on? If no, you’re good to buy it, but it’s also probably a vase or something else that fits inside your dishwasher. If yes, ask yourself if there’s a cleaning method that can remove any and all ick factor. A wooden chair you could have sex on, although if you put some bleach on a sponge, wipe it down, you’d feel safe that you won’t catch herpes. This method removes most upholstered items, like couches and pillows. I’m not crafty enough to make new seat covers for chairs, but if you can, then buy some cute fabric and rehab the hell out of a ratty dining set.  Never ever buy a used mattress. Ever. Can you say bedbugs?

Feel free to make requests, ask questions, or just tell me I’m pretty.