Homemade Tiramisu: Worth the Work?

Answer: Depends on which things you decide to make yourself.

For those who don't know, tiramisu is a dessert that's kinda like a parfait/trifle combo. It's ladyfingers (cookies that taste kinda like stale cake) that you soak in coffee and rum, layered with a custard/mascarpone (think cream cheese) cheese mixture and whipped cream. It also happens to be Hubs' favorite dessert. Side note: Unless you want drunk, hyper kids in your house, it's definitely for ages 13+, depending on how boozy you make it.

I decided to be SUPER impressive and make everything myself. Everything. The ladyfingers, the custard, the mascarpone cheese, the whipped cream, ALL OF IT.

It was a crapload of work and it would've tasted essentially the same had I bought a few things instead of making it from scratch. I'm also going to provide you with a recipe I haven't yet tested for a faux-tiramisu that'd be really really easy. Don't tell an actual Italian that it's tiramisu or you'll be murdered, but I'm sure it'd be a crowd pleaser.

BUY
-ladyfingers
-mascarpone cheese

LADYFINGERS: The ladyfingers were a pain the the butt. It's one of those baked good where you have to whip the egg whites and then fold in everything, which is hard enough because you can't make the entire recipe in the stand mixer (which is the easiest thing to use for egg whites), but then I had to pipe them into their finger shapes. Wrestling it into the ziplock bag is always a chore, and squeezing it all out kinda wrecks it. Why? You get rid of all the air bubbles when you squeeze it, leaving you with puddles. I made chocolate ladyfingers, and while they were good in the dessert, I had extra ones that I didn't even eat, since they kinda suck plain. Overall, not quite worth washing 3 mixing bowls and the hand mixer.

FOR THE FAUX: Bake a pound cake (homemade or box mix, I doubt it matters much), make it in a 9"x12" pan, then cut up half the cake into 1" strips, cut those into little rectangles, and toast them. Then you have delicious little cookies, plus half a cake you can frost and eat that will still be delicious (or use a lemon glaze). You could even get fancy and try using different kinds of cake, just make sure they're dense so that they don't just disintegrate when you soak them. Don't use fruitcake. That's mean.

MASCARPONE: Part of the problem with making mascarpone cheese is you have to use tartaric acid, which I bought from a cheesemaking website. It was a 4 oz container and it was pretty darn cheap, but the whole batch only needed an eighth of a teaspoon, so now I have a ton of this stuff and it only makes this cheese. Still, mascarpone is super expensive, and even with the cost of cream, the entire 4 oz container of tartaric acid, and the cost of heating the stove, I still came out with savings. However, heating something up on a double boiler takes approximately way too long. Straining it was annoying, and using cheesecloth is always difficult since it's so hard to clean. 

FOR THE FAUX: Honestly, I'd use neufchatel. It's like a more sour version of cream cheese, and I think it would make a lovely cheaper alternative. If you don't see a label with just neufchatel, check the label on the reduced fat cream cheese, since that's sometimes what it's sold as. Fun fact: the creators of cream cheese were actually attempting to figure out the recipe for neufchatel, but ended up making it's fattier, creamier cousin.

MAKE
-whipped cream
-custard
-coffee/rum soaking slurry 

WHIPPED CREAM: Whipped cream is super easy to make, especially if you have a stand mixer. Just pour in the cream (make sure it's super cold), add a little sugar and a kiss of vanilla and let it do its magic. For this recipe, I used a packet of unflavored gelatin since I knew it'd be sitting in the fridge for a few days and didn't want it to deflate. 

FOR THE FAUX: There's no alternative here. I swear it's easy. The hardest part is cleaning the whisk attachment, and even that only takes like 30 seconds. Also, by making it yourself you could make the whole dessert extra-boozy by adding in some Bailey's.

CUSTARD: The custard isn't easy. It's a lot of egg beating and cooking it is stressful because you don't want to accidentally end up with scrambled eggs. However, it's also delicious. Make it yourself at least once and see if you feel it's worth the effort. I think it is.

FOR THE FAUX: Just use vanilla pudding. For the mix, just use less milk to make it thicker, and dress it up a little by scraping a vanilla bean into the milk and heat it up in the microwave for a couple minutes before adding it to your powder. Also, using half-and-half instead of milk would probably make it DELICIOUS, but could easily have a slippery slope effect and the next thing you know your skinny jeans don't fit anymore.

COFFEE/RUM SLURRY: This is actually the easiest part. Just get some instant espresso powder, make it according to the directions, then add some rum. I also added some coffee liqueur. Also, since caffeine in the evening tends to be a poor life choice, I used instant decaf coffee and just made it super duper strong.

FOR THE FAUX: Seriously guys, it's coffee crystals and booze. Suck it up.

Gratuitous food pictures? Oh okay, but only since you asked.

SUCH PRETTY LAYERS

Technically, you're supposed to do two layers in a casserole dish, but all of mine were filled with lasagne and enchiladas in my freezer, so I used my chip bowl.
Oh and top off the whole thing with cocoa powder.

It's supposed to be a heart, but looks more like a power button.
Also, note the sad ladyfinger puddle cookies.

Overall, it was a one day project that I'll most likely make every year for Hubs' birthday. The difficult version, not the faux.

Someone should really make the faux version of this and tell me if I should add it to any future cookbooks I may or may not write.

But you can't publish it because it's now my intellectual property since it's on my blog.

So there.


Love you guys!