Spring Is Coming

.....Did you guys get that that was a Game of Thrones reference? I don't even watch it, but I know that's a thing.

Anyway, spring has sprung. Basically, in the buttcrack of the Florida panhandle, this means for the next 6 months we become the redneck riviera. People from all around (well... not the other Floridians, but yeah) come to go to the beach. To be fair, the beaches here are really nice. It's the Gulf of Mexico, and the sand is so clean and white it SQUEAKS. Weird but true fact.

The best part about this is.... I GOT A NEW JOB! I'm now officially a waitress and I start on Wednesday. On a related note, I am now the owner of the fugliest pair of black non-skid shoes on the planet. Luckily I already am the partial owner of 20 pairs of black socks (okay, they're Hubs', whatever). 

Allergy season is coming. I can tell. I take Claritin all year round, so I'm already pretty well prepared, but I'm sensitive, so I still suffer the consequences. The procedures during allergy season aren't awful, but they're what keep me sane. I'll share them with you.

1. Shower at night and WASH YOUR HAIR

All the pollen, dust, and crap is in your hair, then when you go to sleep you're basically laying your face in it for 8 hours. Bad plan. If you have dry hair, condition it instead of washing it, maybe use that cleansing conditioner (Wen? Is that it?) they sell on TV. I don't care what you do, just wash it. It's the reason you wake up being unable to breathe through your nose and have a scratchy throat when you wake up.

2. Change your pillowcase

Seriously, buy a ton of them at KMart or Target. I like white ones because I can bleach them, but that's also why I have white sheets and towels, so I'm a little crazy. Same reasons for doing so as above, but it's the extra measure. Also, if you have pets that love your pillows (like my cats do) it'll give you a fresh start every night.

3. Don't sleep in the shirt you wore during the day

I've never been able to do this anyway, but Hubs sometimes does and even him doing it almost killed me. Your bed needs to be a totally fresh start since you're spending so much time in it.

4. Get yourself a Neti Pot

This is a safe space, so I'm not going to lie to you. Doing the Neti Pot is so gross. It's basically a little genie lamp filled with warm saline. Cute sounding, until you actually use it. Over a sink, you basically tilt your head to the side, then pour it into one of your nostrils until it comes out the other side. I'd include a picture, but it's really not cute, so just google image search Neti Pot. You'll see. Anway, what it does it cleans out all the allergens from your sinuses, plus all the congestion you already have. This will save you a tons of tissues and a round of antibiotics (to treat the sinus infection you know you're going to get).

5. Wash your hands!

Screw the germs, I wash my hands every time I touch dust or pollen. I get a weird eczema-like rash if I slip up, but since I also touch my face and hair, I'd just be spreading it around. Depending on the exposure, I also go into the bathroom and gargle some water and clean out my nose. Then, I take my contact-cleaning eye drops to make sure my eyes don't get red and watery. Prevention is everything. 

All of these tips come straight from my mom, who had two kids and a husband with awful allergies. Woman has spent more time at the allergist than any person should. So if you don't like any of the advice that's your problem, but you'll never discredit her in my mind.


In other news, this little kitten is totally insane. Baby Bear Grylls discovered that he really likes finding my toothbrush, then carrying it around the house in his mouth before he chews on the bristles. I can't use that toothbrush anymore, which is sad. I took him to the vet the other day, and he's 3.5 lbs! He was 1.8 only four weeks ago!! He's getting so big. Also, Hubs and I like to joke that he only has one facial feature at a time, because his nose and mouth are so black you can't see them, until he yawns and then he's allllllllllll mouth. Hilarious.

Also, Gerred and Mike moved away, so now whenever lunchtime comes I'm underwhelmed. Instead of the chaos of 3 guys coming in and eating, now only Hubs comes home.


Tomorrow is Easter so hubs and I are having lunch at one of our friends' house (hey Heather!). I'm so excited.

Maybe next I'll cover spring cleaning.... What do we think?

Emergency Cleaning

It happens all the time. You've just gotten a text saying "Hey, I'll be there in 15 minutes" and your house is a total mess. Here are the super easy steps to get it done QUICKLY. Not perfectly, and you'll definitely have to clean up afterwards, but it'll look nice.

1. Get yourself a laundry basket.

Just take the clothes in it (because you never put laundry away so all your laundry baskets are always full) and dump them on your bed. I don't care about wrinkles, I care about making YOU LOOK GOOD. 

2. Take all your crap and put it in the laundry basket.

The empty coffee mugs on the coffee table, the stacks of junk mail, the 17 pairs of flipflops you have scattered throughout your living space.... just put all of it in the basket. You don't have time to do dishes, and all the cleaning up you have to do after doing this is punishment for the fact that your house is always a mess. It's okay for now. Focus.

3. Put that laundry basket full of crap and shove it in your closet

Now, it doesn't HAVE to be your closet. It could be the bathtub in the master bedroom, hidden in the corner of the guest room, or depending on your lifestyle you could just shove everything in your oven. I don't know your life, but girl you've got no time and a huge to-do list. Be creative here.

4. Spray Febreeze on your pillows.

You really don't have time to do your couch without it still being damp by the time people get there, but since people don't really use pillows, spray it on those. It'll still make the space smell nice without everyone knowing that you're incapable of keeping your house clean.

5. Time to Swiffer

Sweeping takes forever, so just take your dry Swiffer (because I told you to get one, remember?) and get all the places where people are going to be. If your floors have enough big stuff to make a little pile, just push it underneath your couch or armchair. You can clean it up later.

6. Do the 2 minute wipedown of whatever bathroom people are going to be using.

Take all the crap on your counter aside from the soap and maybe your toothbrush and shove all of it in a grocery bag and hide it. Then, take Lysol wipes or just some Windex and quickly wipe down your mirror, sink, and toilet (IN THAT ORDER. DO NOT DO YOUR TOILET FIRST THAT'S SO GROSS). Make sure you have toilet paper. If it's super low, change it out and hide the little extra bit in that big grocery bag.

7. Kitchen, too!?

Yeah, this one sucks. If your dishwasher is empty, count your lucky stars and quickly hide all your crap in there. Depending on how much time you have, you can load it properly. If it's full of dirty dishes, don't bother starting it because it's really loud, so just close it back up and hide everything in your oven (unless you've hidden the rest of your crap in there, in which case I have nothing for you).  Do a super fast wipe down of your counters and make sure you have enough glasses for everyone when they get there.

8. Time to keep your awesome reputation intact.

Whatever emergency snacks you have, (mine are almonds, chips and salsa, baby carrots, plus some frozen cookie dough I can bake if I'm feel ambitious) it's time to get them out and ready. Take out your nice things, and anything you put out will look good. Spray yourself with your favorite perfume, brush your teeth, and put some lipstick on. Run a brush through your hair or just shove it in a fast bun. Put on some earrings.

9. Pour yourself a drink

If you're too exhausted from all your efforts, make yourself some coffee. If you're just frazzled and overwhelmed, get yourself a real drink, like wine. Just make sure you have enough for everyone, because to drink wine in front of others when they can't have any is CRUEL.

YOU DID IT! It's clean! Well..... it's not clean, it's presentable. You'll hate yourself when you realize that your 15 minutes of "cleaning" have left you with, like 45 minutes of real cleaning later. But since no one saw it, it doesn't count. Maybe next time you won't have to rush to do things, but let's face it, the world isn't perfect, and neither are you.


Enjoy!

The Things I Make Myself

There's going to be another blog in the future about doing crazy homemade things, but this one is just for what I absolutely refuse to buy, because making it myself makes me look really impressive, and isn't THAT hard.

WAFFLES

Why on earth would I buy eggos when I have a waffle maker and a freezer? We tend to take a morning every few weeks, quintuple a recipe for waffles, then park ourselves down in front of the waffle maker, eating as we go. Once they're cool, I bag them up, write the date (but they really never last long enough to go bad), and shove them in the freezer. Then all I have to do for a delicious home made waffle is to grab one from the freezer and put it in my toaster. Perfection.

Also, when making the waffles, you want them pretty light in color, otherwise they'll burn in the toaster when you're reheating. Same thing goes for pancakes. Don't be a baby, just try it.

COOKIES

With the exception of Oreo's, I don't buy cookies. Ever. I already have fantastic recipes for gingerbread, chocolate chip, sugar, oatmeal raisin, chocolate, peanut butter, and shortbread cookies. Want to know what people say when you offer them a homemade cookie? They say OH MY GAWD YOU HAVE HOMEMADE COOKIES YES PLEASE. And you're a hero. If you want to REALLY impress people, keep a stash of pre-formed, frozen cookies in your freezer, then whip them out and bake them. Jaws will drop, minds will be blown, and you've just become someone's favorite person.

Oh and those fabulous recipes? Most of them are on the freaking bag/box/can. Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips have the recipe right on the bag, and it's the only one I use when I make chocolate chip cookies. Same goes for Jif peanut butter cookies. And the cookies on the canister of Quaker Oats. Yeah. So no excuses!

VEGETABLE SOUP

I make this soup, and it's called "The Soup of Good Intentions" where I put all those veggies I really was planning on eating in a pot, add some stock, spices, and herbs. This has saved me tons of money so that the food doesn't go bad. You could easily add in some beans, maybe some cream, or even meat if that's what you want. I tend to stick to the veggies, then serve it over rice.

MAC AND CHEESE

Kraft Mac and Cheese is really, really good. I'm not going to lie to you, because we're in a Safe Place here. However, a good baked macaroni and cheese, casserole style, is really hard to beat. I make a crapload of sauce and noodles, then fill up as many casserole dishes as I can and put them in the freezer. Nothing is easier than a freezer mac and cheese for either dinner at home or a huge one for a party. Seriously, one evening of prep and cleaning for at least 5 stress free nights is worth it.

VEGGIE TRAYS

Are you so afraid of your knife and cutting board that you're willing to pay someone a crap load of money to get old soggy celery in a little plastic container tray? No. You're a big girl now, so get out your fancy wedding serveware, cut up some carrots (or just get baby carrots, considering you're being a big baby about the whole thing) and some freaking celery and pour out some grape tomatoes and you're done. Or be a fancy pants and do a grilled veggie tray with zucchini, asparagus, brussels sprouts (from the I can make food like a big girl post), and mushrooms. Again, you're the hero and they're just as good cold or room temperature as they are hot.

PIE CRUSTS

Okay, so if I were living alone, I'd buy the frozen pie crusts and feel no shame. But Hubs does a homemade dough that's so freaking good that I'm spoiled. It's a huge mess, is so full of fat I could die, and not even my own mother does this, but I love that he does. Probably because his mom, my mother-in-law Wendi, is big on doing homemade, and would definitely judge me if she saw Pillsbury crust in my fridge. My mother, however, has used the Pillsbury crust for my entire life, even in the pot pies she made when she used homemade broth, and I love it.

BREAD CRUMBS

When your bread starts going stale, just shove it in the freezer. Then, when you need breadcrumbs, thaw it out, grate it either on a grater or take it for a spin in your blender or food processor. Add grated Parmesan, whatever herbs you feel like, salt, and pepper, and you're done! If you want to be fancier, throw in melted butter, put the crumbs on a pan, and toss it in the oven until they're golden brown and delicious. Panko, however, you can't really make at home, so you still need to buy that. But save some cash and some bread (get it? It's a pun!) and make your own. 

Now keep in mind, I'm not judging anyone for buying any of these things. In fact, I've bought them all myself before. These are just the things I enjoy making enough to no longer feel compelled to buy them. If you hate cooking, don't. Just remember to invite me out to dinner.

One day I'll have a post of the things I'd never dream of making myself so that we're even, okay? Because I'd never attempt to make lots of things that you've probably made. Mostly due to the fact that I'm lazy.

Until next time, good luck on adulthood!

I Can Make Food!

That's right. As a almost totally real Adult Person, I feed myself. Keep in mind, with my kind-of job at around 6 hours a week, I'm home a lot. I'm also poor, so I don't go out to eat much. Most days, I eat all three meals at home. So does Phoenix. We go through a lot of dishes, and a pretty good amount of food.

Yesterday, I made brussels sprouts, which typically I don't like. But there are a few recipes on Pinterest that people really love, and you can buy them for really really really cheap, so I took a shot.

This is the recipe I used: http://lifestylethreesixfive.com/2012/10/19/recipe-roasted-brussels-sprouts-with-garlic-aioli/

Can I just say.... HOLY CRAP SO GOOD. Now, usually when I make a recipe it's more inspiration, but for the actual roasting of them I followed it exactly like a good girl, including subbing in olive oil for canola (it wasn't as far away). For the aioli I used low-fat mayo, dijon mustard, and garlic powder, because I'm out of actual garlic. Phoenix and I gobbled them up. They also looked EXACTLY like the picture she put up, which almost never happens. I suck at taking pictures of food, so just use that, k? K.

I also tried this recipe: http://www.sweettoothlove.com/balsamic-glazed-brussels-sprouts-with-crushed-pine-nuts-and-parmesan/

Now, I didn't use pine nuts, partly because they cost more per pound than freaking porterhouse steak, and partly because I don't really like using nuts in my cooking. Maybe it's because my mom had a walnut allergy and therefore tends to avoid most nuts, maybe it's because I'm a weird person. Either way, I don't do nuts. I also used metal skewers and had them balanced across the top of the pan, like so.



Only the top row had balsamic vinegar at this point, but they all got the right stuff. I did what the recipe said, plus sprinkled a little garlic powder on top because I thought it'd be good. It wasn't great, and I wouldn't do it again, but that's my fault, not theirs.

Topped with some Parmesan cheese, these were also pretty delish.

I'm hoping to do some recipe/cooking stuff here pretty often. We feel good about this?

Also, just FYI, I'm not vegan, vegetarian, low carb, organic, gluten free, or paleo (which I don't even understand). I do, however, respect any and all of the above choices, and I've never judged a food allergy.

A small note about gluten free: to those who are allergic to gluten, have Celiac disease, or anything else that prevents them from eating gluten, I'm sorry, and I'll gladly make you something else. To those who think going gluten free is healthier, that's a load of crap. Humans have been eating barley, wheat, and other grains that create gluten for thousands of years, so don't tell me my whole wheat bagel is making me "sick". High fructose corn syrup, bleached white Wonderbread, and trans fats might be, but I'm not allergic, so don't be hating just because you're jealous of my delicious fresh sourdough. It would make you sick, not me. So there.

Yeah, I fit a rant into a food blog. BUT IT'S MY BLOG AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.

Leave suggestions in the comments for recipes to try!

OMG YOU GUYS I GOT A KITTEN

YEAH. So it was the day before my 5 year anniversary with Hubs and I was trolling Craigslist for kittens. Shelter cats can come with a ton of problems, and my local ASPCA didn't have any kittens. Then I came across an ad saying someone had a tiny black kitten, free to a good home, and they lived super duper close to me.

Obviously, I had to e-mail them. I asked how old he was and if he used the litterbox. He was 8 weeks and used it, which basically means I needed this kitten. I made a time to go over with Hubs, and then we met him. Guys...... he was perfect. He looked healthy, happy, and fuzzy. Even the mom looked big, healthy and beautiful. The family had found the mom wandering outside right around Christmas, and then on new years she started having kittens. He hadn't been to the vet yet, but I didn't care, I needed him.

First things first, he needed to see the vet before he could meet Puma. I loved her first, and I didn't want her to get worms or feline leukemia from what I knew she'd see as an intruder. It seemed wrong. For the meantime, he was locked into the guest room, where he had a big air mattress, lots of blankets and toys, food, water, and a litterbox.

We named him Bear Grylls and introduced him to everyone via Skype and FaceTime. The next day we took him to the vet. He is in perfect health, and he was only 1.8 pounds! Somehow we got out of there for only $86, including bloodwork for the feline leukemia, first shots, deworming, and a huge bag of free swag. I love them, and they're who I'll be taking Puma to in September.

It was also our anniversary that day, so we got home from the vet, made ourselves a big dinner of steak, orzo, and green beans paired with a fantastic Bordeaux we bought on our honeymoon in France. For dessert, we had massive servings of ice cream, fancy French champagne we got from our French friend Remi, and strawberries. Our version of romance is sitting in our PJ's and watching Jeopardy. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Oh, you want to see the kitten?

Fine.




ISN'T HE SO CUTE YOU COULD DIE!?



Him with Hubs.



He slept on Shannon the entire time she came to visit, which I'll blog about later, but OMFG SO CUTE.



Sleepin



So that's pretty much it!

Lovin on Bear Grylls like a boss.